The Freedom from Guilt and ability to Forgive

Women in my church are daily reading out of the book Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. We are then to blog a comment on what we read for that day.
Today's reading was partly on the freedom of forgiveness.
 Walk with Me in the freedom of forgiveness.  Wow, I struggled with that for years.
( FORGIVENESS )
My daughter was abused by a man that was in our lives. In time we both were able to forgive him for what he had done. But, I could not forgive myself. I am her mother, I am suppose to protect her from men like him. Not welcome him into our home, our lives. I felt guilty for failing my daughter.  I did not think I was worthy of forgiveness. I carried that burden of guilt upon my shoulders for many years.
Then a few years ago in a bible study, we were told to write a letter to someone we needed to forgive. We did not have to mail the letter. Just write it and give it to God. So, I wrote a letter to myself, pouring out all the anger within me on that piece of paper. By, the end of the letter however;  I wrote these words,"Karen, I forgive you."
I then gave the letter to God. Then in all my humbleness, I curled myself up into a ball and cried for the next hour.
For a very long time, I denied myself the freedom from guilt and forgiveness. It became a stumbling block in my life.
Once I removed the heavy load I carried and laid it at the foot of the cross, I became undeniably free.
Grace and Peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.( ll Peter 1:2)

Breaking Free

Commit yourself entirely to God that He may set you free.
In my bible study group this past week, we talked about obstacles or stumbling blocks that have hindered our journey to freedom and a closer walk with God. To reach freedom, we must remove the obstacles.
I have discovered that one of my obstacles come from my childhood. One of confusion and lies. My entire life I see the good in things and become blind to the bad. When I was small I remember a happy family. ( my family). Sure there were arguments but, to me life was good.  My dad was fun, loving, he would share stories with me, he loved to sing and dance. He and I would stay up late laughing at shows on t.v.
As an adult I find out that my sister and brother remember a completely different man. My sister remembers him as an alcoholic and my brother remembers him as abusive. I never understood how three kids could grow up in the same house, raised by the same man and have such different memories of him.
A few years back, my mom and I were looking through old photos. She paused at one of my dad, She stated, " That's when all the problems started". I looked at her and asked, " why do I not remember the dad that my siblings do?" Her response to me was,"You were the baby. I wanted to protect you."
Looking back now, I do not think I was as protected as she thought I was. I remember the good because that is what I was suppose to remember, But, I believe I saw the bad. But, because I was "protected" from the bad, it was buried somewhere deep in my subconscious.
As an adult, I have made bad choices.  Mostly those with men. I see the good in them. Yet, it is the bad in them that I don't see I am attracted to. Somewhere in my subconscious however;  I believe I do see the bad. But, my mind has been trained since childhood to over look the bad and focus only on the good.
Causing me as an adult to make bad choices and doubting myself when trying to make a correct decision.
I know people say don't blame your childhood on choices you make as an adult. But, your childhood is part of you and things from the past help make you who you are today. Just don't let your past be a stumbling block, keeping you imprisoned from the person God wants you to be.
Now that I have identified one of my obstacles in life, I can start working toward freedom from it, not allowing it to steal one bit of victory God has for me.  BREAKING FREE.